I cant decide and its killing me!!!!
Im sorry i havent been on tumblr for the last few weeks but my life has been insane lately! All day at work i think about how i wish i could just do what i used to do and casually relax around the house with tumblr on in the background all day. Just not have to worry about anything. But life is not so.. and im about to rant on about it so for those of you who have something at least a bit interesting to do, go do it because this is a bullshit rant about myself that will confuse you and bore you to death…
Im working 70 hours a week with only 1 day off, and i have to do work stuff even on my day off.. Im extremely exhausted and just want a break to relax and hang out with friends before summer is over and they all head off overseas or become to busy to hang out because of university. I havent even had the chance to think about what i want to do with my future and when i think ive made a decision i am instantly confused again because new things pop up and scramble everything!
I just want someone to tell me what to do. I NEED someone to tell me what to do and then i need to stick to that no matter what. As hard as ive tried i cant make the decision on my own and its killing me trying to choose between everything.
The two options that ive managed to narrow it down to are:
To work for the whole year as the manager of a gelato shop and earn lots of money. Learn a lot of new things and be taught amazing new skills along the way. Maybe go on a bussiness trip to Europe for a few weeks in July/August.. for free. BUT have no life for now and be totally depressed because of my surroundings and not handling life at all…about to have a mental/physical breakdown.
Or.. going all the way down south to Dunedin to study. Experiencing a whole new lifestyle and meeting new people. Getting a degree, and having fun along the way as i am doing something i am really passionate about. Being away from all the dramas of home that are getting me so down, and being closer to my big sister. BUT being poor, missing out on the amazing job opportunity i have and having people look down on me because ive decided to study for something that they dont believe is a “proper career”…
Either way i feel like i would gain something from both options.. while at the same time lose out on something no matter what. I cant have both so ultimately something will be lost and something will be gained… i just cant decide which one is more important to me :(
Of course theres also the fact that i was accepted into Architecture at Victoria University… something ive decided to decline. And ive given up on my CampAmerica dream because its just not working out in either situation.
Overall life is crap and its about to get a whole lot worse. I dont even get a day off for my 18th birthday next week :(